I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
