YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Randomize
