You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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