i permit you to call me
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
