i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
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