i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
