there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
