I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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