Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
