u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
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No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
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There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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