all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
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