I should be sponsored by Trojan
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
tell me about the eggs
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
