i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
