he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
