I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
