i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
She told me I should be a condom model.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
