I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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