And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Randomize
