Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
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Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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