I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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