I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
