White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
