just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
