Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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