Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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