Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
