I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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