i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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