mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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