So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
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she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
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On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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