I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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