Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
