Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
