Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
You're a waste of cheezeits
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
