i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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