Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
