My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Randomize
