My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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