i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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