At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
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