Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
