HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Blood and glitter go together right?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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