I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
