I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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