Kiss
Puke
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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