So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i was born a porn star she said
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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