I hate all girls vehemently.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
