Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
