He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
