All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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