did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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