I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
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they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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