Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
