I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Randomize
