i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
