I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
