I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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