perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
