Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
