my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
this will be a night to untag.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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