THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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