Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
