literally had 100 drinks last night.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
