I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
