Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
