Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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