so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
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She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
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Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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