Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Randomize
