It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
