Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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