we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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