I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
